time to succumb to the uncomfortable...

Does anyone else out there find it humorously frustrating when God decides to use you in ways that you find detestable, uncomfortable, and nerve-racking? Basically, in an area where you avoid to be whenever possible, using you in some kind of way that you hate.

                When I think about my time in high school, I don’t have the cliché, “those were the worst times of my life; I was a loner; I hated myself” kinda memories. On the contrary, when I think about the 4 years of my life that I spent at Narbonne High School, I have nothing but the best memories. I loved every ounce of high school. Some of my best memories of my life happened at that school, or during my time there; I had an abundant amount of friends; I loved what I was doing, what I was accomplishing and who I was. –Stick with me here, this will all tie in with my opening statement, I promise ;]- It was then that I broke out of my shy shell. It was in high school where I grew out of my awkward looking stage and developed a sense of style and appreciation for fashion [it may not sound too important, but I find style and fashion fun!]. It was where I fell in love for the first time. It was in the walls of M2 that I discovered my love for acoustic music, my passion for a great harmony, my appreciation for perfect pitch.

                If I had to choose something that I absolutely hated about high school, it will sound so little and ridiculous to most of you, but if I am being completely honest; one of the things I hated most about high school was the oral presentations. I had a good amount of them, being a Performing Arts student. And, seriously, there was nothing I dreaded more than getting up in front of a classroom and speaking to everyone. I hate to act. Acting is horrible; giving speeches was like a cruel punishment my teachers were giving me. Throw me in front of a full auditorium and I will sing my heart out for you, I will even do a little dance, but if you give me a sentence to recite, I will hate you for the remainder of the day, maybe longer.

                So what does all of this have to do with God loving to use us in areas we would rather run from? Well I have found in the past month or 2, God has been starting to draw me into awkward situations where I am required to speak out in front of a crowd; granted it’s a small crowd, but to me a crowd is a crowd, whether 2 or 2,000. If you’ve known me for awhile, you know that I cringe whenever I am asked to pray out loud. There was a time I would absolutely refuse even. But it’s an area that I have been praying about, and God has been giving me chances to practice, in settings where I feel comfortable. I’m getting better about it, I am learning to just be obedient to His will, and if I feel  He is wanting me to lead out in prayer, it is because He wants to use me and my words to make a difference.  Now, going right along with that need to be obedient; I have been asked to share on an upcoming Wednesday night to the Revo Youth girls. When Nate casually brought it up and asked me about it, I casually immediately agreed. I don’t think I realized I had said “Yeah, I’m totally down” until 15 seconds after it left my mouth. But I’ve prayed about it, and I feel like God can use what I have learned lately, my past mistakes and my couple of run ins with heartache to share something great, something necessary, something I wish I had learned when I was younger. Over the past few days, I have been thinking about what points, specifically, that I want to touch on, and while I have been brainstorming and planning, nothing but excitement fills my heart. Its only when I let my sense of self slip in and think “ummmm you realize you are in charge and speaking to all the girls that night right?” that I begin get sweaty palms, a nauseous stomach and a panic attack starts to set in. However, I am quick to reject those thoughts because I know if God didn’t want me to speak, Nate wouldn’t have asked me, and I wouldn’t have been so quick to respond YES. Although I am still scared and nervous and sometimes freaking out, it’s not about me, or my words. It’s about the words that Christ wants to speak through me, it’s about surrendering all that I am,  and being full of all that Christ is, and giving Him free reign to do with me as much, or as little as He pleases. I long to live a life that is fully and completely surrendered to Christ. I long for my King Jesus to forever have full and complete control of my every move, my every word. I want my life to make a difference for the glory of His Kingdom, and I know that I can only do that if I rise to the challenge of ignoring my desires for comfort ability and security and obey what He is calling me to do. I want to be willing to go to the ends of the earth if He calls me to, to be willing to lay down my life for the glory of the King, if He sees fit, and all that starts here, with the simple, yet scary act of being obedient and in this small, uncomfortable part of my life.